Why Google is so unbearable (and how to fix it)

If you simply google:

how to fix a flat tire

the first website in the search results is this piece of bloatware, MillerAutoPlaza:

Why are they asking for my location? There’s 3 different popups going on here.

Just look at the treemap for this site. Countless bloatware trackers, APIs and Javascript downloads just to load the page (9mb of it to be precise!):

Oh, and also, Miller is hiring if you’re interested in joining the team.

I want to change my tire! Get off my back, and stop trying to make money off me for one second while I solve this tire crisis.

How to avoid these bloated websites

Using a Google search trick, we can avoid seeing any of these bloated sites ever again.

To do this, we’ll limit the Google search results to only domains with the .edu TLD.

Why would we do this?

Well, think about it this way: MillerAutoPlaza’s intentions in publishing that “tutorial” on how to change your tire is not meant to inform. It’s meant to find new hires for MillerAutoPlaza, and track your location for use in marketing. As a business, they want to make more money.

Nothing wrong with that, making money is noble. But right now, I’d really just love MillerAutoPlaza and their bloat trackers to fuck off, kindly.

Universities (sites with the .edu TLD) also want to make money. But, Universities make their money by paying professors to spread knowledge; MillerAutoPlaza makes their money by selling you stuff.

Professors are paid generous salaries to share knowledge with the paying customers of the University (students). So, let’s find some ~~paid~~ unpaid University knowledge on how to change a tire by using our new trick!

The new query

Google this instead:

site:*.edu how to change a tire

As we can see, the first result is very promising:

As long as you aren’t scared of some good old fashioned serif, and an admittedly unappealing mustard yellow background, this website has all the information you need to change a tire! Woohoo!

Look at the treemap for this site:

Notice the lack of bloatware trackers?

Other examples

The normie pearl query

The other day, I was curious how pearls are made. So, naturally, I googled:

how are pearls made?

and found this site as the first result:

Ok, you might say, that’s the Natural History Museum.. They’re good, right? Yeah yeah, I think most museums are well intentioned. But if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s cookie popup.

The new query

Google this instead:

site:*.edu how are pearls made

Check out the first result now:

Now we’re talking. What we’ve just found is a comprehensive guide from some University class that describes everything there is to know about how pearls are formed.

And they didn’t ask me about cookies, because they don’t give a damn about selling anything to me!

Now, go use this, and enjoy the Internet without bloat!

P.S, using this method you can find a TON of great computer science resources for basically free, here’s an amazing Virginia Tech site I found while using this method!

Also, spread the love

Feel free to share any other Google tricks by email:

IXNS@protonmail.com